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Essays

On Friendships

 

It has once been said that a person should consider himself extremely blessed if, during the span of his lifetime, he was able to find a total of five to seven real friends. These are the kinds of people who are as familiar with your faults and shortcomings as they are with your strengths and talents, yet they deliberately choose not to talk about your liabilities with others. It never mattered to them whether you had only a few cents in your pocket or three months' worth of a paycheck. Their desire to spend a fun and enjoyable time with you does not depend on how much money you have, but rather on the realization that friends can be happy just by enjoying the simple things together. Of course, there's nothing wrong with all of you arriving at the mall in a sleek four-wheeler. But still, equally as much fun is having a brisk walk around the neighborhood or at the park. You need not shoulder any expenses. Just wear your most comfortable pair of sneakers and sharpen your wit in storytelling. Don't forget to bring along an adequate supply of humor.

 

The bad times are just as essential as the good times in a friendship. The most understanding of friends will not condemn you even when you are experiencing life's all-too-many hardships. Whether it's as trivial as having a bad hair day or as devastating as losing a loved one to a terrible illness, true friends will always be there to offer emotional support and a shoulder that is willing to be dampened by the tears of heartache. If for some reason they find it impossible to be there to comfort you, they would never hesitate to exhaust virtually all means to extend a word of encouragement. Aside from the power of prayer, they can be your sources of strength. And sometimes, even when you're in the midst of difficulties, you discover that you can still afford to smile because your friends help in bearing your burdens.

 

I firmly believe that each of us was born to find such people. I would rather measure someone's riches by the number of enduring friendships he's had than the amount of money he keeps in the bank. A man may fail to acquire material wealth, but he has not failed entirely if he can honestly say that he has found several friends to whom he can entrust his vulnerability. My desire for all men and women is for them to reach the end of their lives physically wasted away, but deeply satisfied with the quality of their friendships.

 

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Do You Like Yourself?

 

If someone asked you this question right now, can you honestly say, "Yes, I like myself"?

 

I know a lot of people who always seem to be at war with themselves. In spite of the fact that they are intelligent, talented, and capable of living up to their fullest potential, they would always wish to be someone else. They admire and seek to emulate other individuals who, in their opinion, fit the description of what our society considers as successful and accomplished. And then these people beat themselves up for not being at par with their "role models." They feel like they have to apologize for being themselves.

 

People who don't like themselves have not yet realized that it's perfectly all right to be unique, to be different in a world that constantly wants us to conform. I have discovered that individuals who are completely comfortable with who they are, are the exception rather than the rule. But on the other side of the coin there are people who go to extremes to copy others' lifestyles. Instead of devoting their time and energy to developing their own abilities, they engage in obsessing on whether or not they compare to their "idols."

 

Having unrealistic standards and constantly striving to measure up to those standards usually produce very low self-esteem. You can only look like the result of the combination of your parents' genes, and not like the images of "perfection" you see on television and films. You can only write what you are, sing what you are, and dance what you are. You're in a league of your own.

 

Make it a goal to face your insecurities and work on self-improvement. Compare your current self with what you were six months, one year, or two years ago. Celebrate what you have achieved, no matter how small or insignificant you think they might be. Crush negative tendencies by learning positive habits. At the end of each day only you can decide if you really like yourself. 

 

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Mirror, Mirror

"Mirror, mirror on the wall. Make me the prettiest of them all."

 

Many girls and women wouldn't openly admit it, but this statement has undoubtedly become the motto of our modern age. With the proliferation of fashion magazines, huge billboards, and dozens of TV programs featuring resplendently beautiful actresses, the desire to look good has never been stronger than before.

 

Showing a healthy concern for your appearance is considered normal. But some girls, due to a perpetual dissatisfaction with their looks, have gone to all sorts of extreme measures just to achieve the elusive myth of  "perfect beauty." Being unhappy with themselves made them want to wage a war against what Mother Nature intended for them. In Western cultures it has now become common for parents to allow their daughters to acquire breast implants or go under the knife at a frighteningly young age.

 

Since childhood women have been pressured to desire physical perfection. Think about the stories you read as a kid. Did Sleeping Beauty get kissed because of a character trait she had like kindness or courtesy? Did Prince Charming dance with Cinderella because of her ability to balance a checkbook? Did the wicked queen envy Snow White because of her culinary expertise? Well, you most certainly know the answer.

 

The preoccupation with outward appearance – or "looksism," as one author called it – is not limited to females. The word "metrosexual" was invented for a fairly serious reason. The media excessively glamorize tall, muscular, and gorgeous men. It's no longer enough for a guy to spend money on his weekly haircut and a bottle of deodorant. Now he has to be able to afford a soap-shampoo-and-conditioner set, a bottle of astringent, cologne, perfume, and body spray. Why? Because society imposes upon them that in order to get ahead in life, they would need to look their best.

 

On the contrary, people must never hold on to the idea that having a stunning appearance is all it takes to live a quality life. A life worth aspiring for is composed of doing many of the activities you enjoy, not spending hours upon hours trying to fix your hair and face. It also means developing optimism and the positive attributes that make a person attractive to others.

 

This has been said time and again, but oftentimes ignored. Inner beauty is the only kind of beauty that will stand the test of time and remain steadfast all throughout the stages of life. And how would I define inner beauty? Well, it's simply what the mirror fails to see. But it's still going to be apparent even after curves and muscles give way to aging.

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How to Deal With Failure

What must be done when one has failed? Well, he must be thankful. Yes, thankful that he has discovered that the path he has taken to reach his goal, or the ability that he has employed to master a craft, has not worked out. And then comes the thin line that separates the wise man from the common fool. So he has failed. What now? Will he retreat towards his inner shell and wallow in self-pity? Will he be so disheartened and discouraged by his predicament that he will isolate himself from the rest of the world and refuse to participate in life again? Will he charge it to the "fact" that failure is his destiny, that luck has simply eluded him?

Or, will he rise above his imperfections and try again? Will he come to the realization that you cannot experience true success until you've faced a couple of failures along the way? Will he resolve to leave it all in the past and learn from it? Will he decide to look forward to a brand new day when he is free to try a little bit more, work a little harder, persevere a little longer, and execute a little more skillfully the habits that surely lead to success? Will he make it a choice to exert just a little more effort until he has found the one thing that will make everything work out? Once again, he must try to discover the steps to success, and take them.

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